So I am not entirely sure on how to write about this topic because I have been and still am very much thinking about suicide. If you ever feel like you might hurt yourself please go to the emergency room or call a prevention hotline. I know that doing these things when your in the moment are very hard and not always what you want. Your hurting and it so bad that you think the only way out is to kill yourself, that people would be better off without you. I know that in that moment no matter how much you logically know that you should take yourself to emergency it is so incredibly hard, because all you want is for the pain to stop. I have been there, I still go through it every so often, to be honest there is a war going on inside my head as I write this post.
Do I end it all? Is life worth living? No one would miss me anyway! But I know that is not true, I have a family that loves me, I have a boyfriend that cares about me, I have good friends that I would hurt by doing what I am thinking about. I am in pain right now and I know it not going away anytime soon, but one day I hope it will.
There is nothing about suicide that easy, weather you are on the side where your thinking about it or on the side of someone you care about is either thinking about or has committed suicide.
I have been told that even though I can’t see it I am only young and I have a long future ahead of me. My answer to people that tell me that is I don’t want it, I can’t, I don’t belong here. There is a lot of the time when I am in that mindset that I wish people would just leave me alone and let me self destruct because that one thing I am good at. I have come to realise people around me aren’t going to let that happen and if it was the other way around I wouldn’t either.
If you are reading this and you are suicidal please get help talk to someone. I know that it’s painful and suicide feels like the only way but people want you alive and if you can’t live for yourself at least make people around you happy, and hopeful while your doing that you will learn that dying isn’t the answer! There is always more than one way to do things.